What is assertiveness in psychology. Be understood: Techniques of assertive communication. What use is assertiveness to me?

Assertiveness is a person’s ability to stand up for their rights with dignity and confidence, without depending on external assessments, influences, and without trampling on the rights of others. This ability is manifested in independence in regulating one’s own behavior.

The usual pattern of human behavior comes down to two extremes: aggression or passivity. The first case is marked by a veiled or explicit desire to dominate and manipulate others, subordinating them to their interests. The second case is characterized by the fact that a person voluntarily takes on the role of a victim and is driven by uncertainty, fear of upcoming changes or, on the contrary, fear of losing what he has acquired.

Assertive behavior is guided by the principle: we are partners and no one owes anyone anything.

Assertiveness consists of self-affirmation without false modesty, as well as bragging. A person confidently defends his interests, taking into account the point of view of other people.

Assertiveness in psychology

Assertive behavior in psychology is understood as open, direct behavior that does not intend to harm other people. There are special developments of socio-psychological training programs, the purpose of which is to strengthen and develop assertiveness. Some programs take a behavioral orientation, others are oriented towards humanistic psychology, but all of them are aimed at the principle of developing in a person the ability to be firm, friendly and honest.

Assertiveness in psychology is, first of all, taking responsibility for one’s behavior. We are talking, first of all, about the fact that a person is responsible for his personal behavior and has no right to blame people for their reaction.

The term assertiveness is borrowed from English and means insisting on one’s own or defending one’s rights. It is rarely used in colloquial speech, but in psychology it is noted quite often. In psychology, assertiveness is understood as a personal trait that is characterized by autonomy, as well as independence from assessments, external influences and the ability to regulate one’s own behavior. One can include in the understanding of assertiveness such a concept as self-sufficiency.

The concept of assertiveness appeared in the late 50s of the last century in the works of the American psychologist A. Salter, who combined the key provisions of humanistic psychology. Salter's theory includes a constructive, optimal way of interpersonal interaction, as opposed to destructive ways - aggression and manipulation. Traditional mechanisms of socialization involuntarily form a person’s vulnerability when faced with all kinds of manipulations from other people. A person is influenced by external influences, and those around him often abuse this, manipulating for their own purposes. Experiencing unacceptable demands, a person is not able to contradict them, therefore he submits in opposition to his attitudes and desires. Often he does not express his own demands and claims, constantly checking his actions and motives with other people’s assessments, embarrassed by his feelings and afraid to show his true face. Trying to overcome this situation, a person involuntarily masters manipulative techniques, responding with aggression to aggression or even fair criticism. This tactic gives a temporary, illusory effect, impoverishing a person in interpersonal relationships, as well as in terms of mental comfort. The formation of assertive behavior requires that a person reconsider the extent to which his personal behavior expresses his own inclinations, as well as motivations and the extent to which these are attitudes imposed by someone. You need to realize when and by whom the script for your life was written; if it does not suit you, then it needs to be adjusted. It often happens that a person falls into the power of attitudes that are alien to him and suffers from this. In this case, it is necessary to assume only the main role, which means actually rewriting the life script, acting as the director of the entire production. The key provisions of assertiveness training include replacing unsuitable attitudes with new ones.

Assertiveness training

Manuel Smith developed a self-affirming model of assertive behavior that includes the following principles and rights:

- I can evaluate thoughts, my own behavior, emotions and therefore, independently be responsible for the consequences;

- I have the right not to explain personal behavior and not to apologize;

- I have the right to think about solving the problem myself;

- I have the right to change my opinion;

- I have the right not to know something;

- I have the right to be responsible for mistakes;

- I have the right to speak out about what is not interesting to me;

- I have the right to exist regardless of the goodwill of people, as well as their favorable attitude towards me;

- I have the right to make illogical decisions;

- I have the right to express that I don’t understand someone.

Assertiveness in negotiations is about demonstrating respect and self-respect for other people, as well as reaching a workable compromise that includes a solution that suits both parties.

Assertiveness involves effective communication, which is characterized by three main qualities - openness, honesty and directness in conversation. These principles are not observed at the expense of the emotional state of the interlocutor. First of all, we are talking about the ability to say what you feel and think about the issue under discussion, however, without upsetting your communication partner and demonstrating confidence and a positive attitude. Self-confidence is marked by the following parameters: self-esteem, as well as classifying oneself as a professional who masters his craft.

Assertiveness in communication is the ability to understand and listen carefully. A person strives to understand the position and point of view of the interlocutor. We often consider ourselves good listeners, but the question arises: why, when listening, do we move from facts to assumptions, often interrupting and wanting to quickly state our point of view?

Assertiveness in business communication is a very important ability, which includes the following principles and rights: express feelings, opinions and beliefs; say “no” or “yes”; change your mind; be yourself, without adapting to the opinions of others; say “I don’t understand”; do not take responsibility for someone else; ask for something; expect to be taken seriously; to make a mistake; set your own priorities by making decisions to be illogical; say “I don’t care.” The antonym of the assertive state is manipulativeness, which is understood as beliefs that develop a passive model of behavior.

Assertiveness, being a social quality of an individual, manifests itself in cooperation, as well as an orientation toward compromise. Other psychologists give such an explanation of the condition as promoting one’s will and the ability to insist on one’s own, as well as to convince. The development of this ability requires training in spontaneous reactions, in which a person does what he wants and does not infringe on himself in any way. Self-management is aimed at improving life. If you live in harmony, it means that you control many things around you, including people. Going with the flow, people themselves allow themselves to be manipulated, allowing themselves to decide everything for themselves. What happens in life: we often solve other people’s problems and punish them for mistakes. What does this mean: you sit a person on your neck, and then he falls into a state. By punishing mistakes, we punish for the experience gained. By solving other people's problems, we make a person helpless.

Assertive skills are developed in this way. It is necessary to imagine yourself in a free company, where no one owes or owes anything to anyone. Free people do only what they decide and want, and that is the only reason they arouse interest in each other. Just imagine how much richer and more charming you will become when you do what you want.

Assertiveness test

Processing includes counting the number of positive responses:

A – 1, 6, 7, 11, 13, 18, 20, 23.

B – 2, 4, 8, 10, 14, 17, 19, 22.

B – 3, 5, 9, 12, 15, 16, 21, 24.

Interpretation

A high score in A indicates the idea of ​​assertiveness, but not using it in life. You often feel dissatisfied with others and yourself.

A high score in B indicates that you are moving correctly and are able to master assertiveness. Occasionally, your attempts at action turn into aggressiveness.

A high score in B indicates a good chance of mastering assertiveness. You have formed an opinion about yourself, as well as your behavior, and you have begun to evaluate yourself realistically.

The lowest indicator in A indicates that the chances that life gives have not been used. You need to learn to live harmoniously and in harmony with yourself.

The lowest score in B indicates that assertiveness can be learned.

The lowest value in B indicates the existence of a problem. You greatly overestimate yourself and therefore do not behave entirely sincerely, presenting yourself in the best light.

Instructions: you need to put a “+” for each positive answer, or a “–” for each negative answer.

Questionnaire text

1. People's mistakes really irritate me.

2. I can easily remind a friend of my debt.

3. From time to time I tell lies.

4. I am always able to take care of myself.

5. I used to ride like a hare.

6. Competition is better than cooperation.

7. I often exhaust myself over little things.

8. I am a fairly decisive and independent person.

9. I love all my friends.

10. I believe in my abilities when a problem arises.

11. By being on the alert, you can always protect your interests.

12. Indecent jokes do not make me laugh.

14. I will not allow anyone to twist ropes out of me. I will immediately lodge a protest.

15. I always support every good initiative.

16. I never lie.

17. I am a very practical person.

18. I am always depressed by the fact that I could theoretically fail.

19. I agree with the statement: “Initially look for a helping hand at your own shoulder.”

20. My friends have a significant influence on me.

21. I am always right, even if others think otherwise.

22. I agree with the saying: “It’s not victory that’s important, but participation.”

23. Before I do anything, I will think about how others will perceive it.

24. I never envy anyone.

This article explains the basic concepts of assertive behavior and its effective use in team management in a language accessible to ordinary users. This information will be useful not only for managers and psychologists, but also for every person to reassess their own behavior and the ability to achieve success by changing it in a more positive direction.

What is assertiveness - definition

Assertiveness is:

• The ability to express oneself in contacts with others, as well as to protect one’s psychological territory;
• Positive realization of one’s goals without aggression, but also without compliance;
• Assertive behavior: direct, polite, persistent and based on rational premises.

Examples of assertive behavior

Expressing your own opinion without attacking the opinions of others;

• Refusal without offending others;
• Protecting your rights in a decisive but not aggressive manner;
• Praise the critic while maintaining respect for the other person;
• Open expression of feelings and beliefs.

Benefits that come from leading people assertively:

• The risk of conflict between the boss and subordinates is reduced;
• All misunderstandings can be resolved immediately because communication is open and direct;
• More specificity and honesty in communication with subordinates;
• Better atmosphere at work, mutual trust;
• The leader’s self-confidence increases, as well as his authority in the eyes of his subordinates;
• The risk of manipulation and aggression in work relationships is reduced.

Assertiveness techniques. Assertive issuance of orders

4 elements of assertive disposition:

• We indicate who exactly is the sender of the order;
• We contact the addressee of the order directly;
• We say who specifically it concerns;
• We determine exactly when it should be performed.

Issuing orders - examples

Non-assertive behavior

“Let someone do it”, “It would be nice if you finished this report...”, “You should write this report”, “Only someone as capable as you can complete this task”, “Do it immediately and don’t ask any questions.”

Assertive behavior

“Ivan Ivanovich, I expect you to prepare the material for training by the end of this week. Please bring it to me when it's ready."

Assertiveness technique. Assertive criticism

Principles for providing critical information:

• Evaluate the behavior of a given person and its consequences, not the person himself;
• Speak specifically, do not generalize, do not use words: “always”, “never”;
• Separate facts from interpretation;
• Be objective, don't be guided by your prejudices;
• Tell me how to do the right thing;
• Do not convey non-verbal aggression (don’t make a face, speak calmly);
• Approve what was positive in the behavior being assessed;
• Criticize to provoke a change in behavior, not to discharge your negative emotions;
• Provide critical information immediately after the action being assessed, do not remind about mistakes after a long period of time;
• If you express your own opinion, use “I-expressions”, for example, In my opinion..., I think that...;
• Don't criticize in front of third parties.

An example of assertive criticism: “I found several errors in your report. They make everything else untrustworthy. I've highlighted them in red. I expect you to fix them by tomorrow. If you have any doubts, we can discuss them.”

REMEMBER! Your ability to criticize determines the effectiveness of criticism!

Non-assertive criticism - examples

• “I don’t like this table, you could try.” Subjective opinion, no specific claims.
• “As always, your behavior differs from the accepted norms, you will never learn.” Generalization.
• “You are not very dynamic and your view of things is too outdated.” Personal qualities are assessed.
• “Damn it, what have you done again? Get out of my sight." Aggressive criticism.
• “Because of your mistake, all my efforts were in vain.” Feelings of guilt are evoked.

Assertiveness technique. Assertive refusal

Assertive refusal procedure:

• We say "No"; we say what we will not do, justify the refusal (specifically, for example, the inconsistency of the expressed request with existing provisions);
• The “broken record” technique - repeating the same thing if the interlocutor does not yield;
• Ending the conversation if they continue to put pressure on us.

Assertive Behavior and Refusal - Examples

Non-assertive refusal

• “As usual, you come to me at the wrong time and want something from me. I would be ashamed to ask for this!”
• “Actually, I can’t do this right now, but if you really need it... Maybe we can settle this very quickly...”

Assertive refusal

“No, I don’t agree to increase your salary. This does not comply with the rules that we have previously defined, as well as the current procedures. If you insist on this, I will be forced to interrupt this unconstructive conversation.”

Assertiveness technique. Responding to boundary violations

A 4-step procedure for responding to violations of our rights and psychological boundaries:

• information about what we don’t like (problem definition);
• expressing your opinion and associated emotions;
• presenting psychological support or suggesting changes;
• use of the rear if the behavior that harms us continues.

An assertive response to boundary violations - example:

“You talk on your office phone all the time. It's distracting and annoying for me, and it also blocks other connections. Do your personal business after work.”

Or: “If you spend hours gossiping on the phone, I will be forced to find myself another secretary.”

Assertiveness training, let’s summarize

• Conflicts and problematic situations can hinder the development of a department or institution;
• Conflict management is about identifying it and finding solutions;
• One of the tools for resolving conflicts is assertive behavior;
• Assertiveness, like any other behavior, is a matter of one’s own choice;
• The use of alternative behavior to assertive behavior leads to a deepening of the conflict situation.

Video: developing assertiveness

Video: Assertiveness training, exercises

Sometimes the way we react to the behavior of others can make us regret and feel guilty. In other cases, we feel irritated and others for any reason. These are all signs that we have not developed the skill of assertive behavior.

Two extremes often fight in a person. It is difficult to remember any case when a person, having gone to extremes, is happy. For example, if he is incredibly kind to others, he may be taken advantage of. If he works a lot, his family is most likely not very happy about it and this has a bad effect on raising children. If you rest a lot, it leads to laziness and slowness. In a word, extremes are always bad.

Victim and aggressor

In communication between people, two other extremes often arise. The victim feels weak, unable to make decisions, constantly seeks support, and also blames others for his failures. She is guided by the principle: “You all owe me, I am offended, weak, and the weak need to be supported.”

The aggressor adopts the opposite behavior. He clearly or covertly manipulates those around him and does not care at all about the opinion and success of another person. His principle: “You owe me, because I am stronger.”

It is also true that if in a conversation one person takes the role of a victim, the second even unwittingly becomes an aggressor and vice versa. In any case, these two extreme roles do not carry effective behavior, but are built on mutual parasitism.

Therefore, if we are talking about communication between two or more people, it is important not to go to extremes, but to develop some kind of balance.

Assertiveness is kept in balance

Assertiveness- this is a person’s ability to defend his interests without hurting others. Stephen Covey calls this situation Win-Win (win-win). Assertive behavior may not be as effective in the short term as aggressive behavior, but the long-term benefits are amazing. It's like putting a large amount of money in the bank for 1 month or for 20 years.

If you have the impression that you can behave assertively and still be human, then this is not so. You can pretend to be such a person, but you won’t be able to stay in this state for long. Sincerity can be faked, but your actions will indicate otherwise. Moreover, even if you are hypocritical in assertive behavior, there is still mutual benefit: this is how the results of this behavior work.

Maintaining assertive behavior is quite difficult at first. The point is not only to avoid becoming an aggressor or victim yourself, but also not to allow your interlocutor to do this. Simply put, if you see that the person you're talking to is beginning to take on the role of victim, you must change the situation, otherwise you risk becoming an unwitting aggressor. In addition, the victim will begin to rely on you for everything, and no productive dialogue and cooperation will work. Your goal is to show your interlocutor that you are equal and no one decides anything for two.

You all know people for whom the whole world consists of enemies. They are capable of getting into an argument even with the person who agrees with them, and when they understand this, you can read the disappointment on their faces. And you are also probably familiar with those who instantly agree with everything you say, have no opinion of their own and seem to dissolve in you, having lost their own personality. Both situations are abnormal, even if the second one does not seem so terrible. So assertiveness is adequacy. You can consider yourself an adequate person if you do not adapt to the requirements of another person, do not lose your personality, and also when you do not take advantage of someone else’s weakness. This is a difficult path, but a reasonable path cannot be easy. It is not difficult to become an aggressor and a victim (this happens automatically), while it is very difficult to be and remain an assertive person throughout your life.

So, what are the rules of assertive behavior and can it be learned? The second answer follows from the first: if you follow these rules, assertive behavior can become your second skin.

Rules of assertive behavior

Be able to listen carefully

If you have a positive attitude, you will be able to win over your interlocutor. His prejudice will disappear over time because everyone loves positive people. People love those who improve their mood, this is our psychology. The same goes for self-confidence. Just be careful that it doesn't turn into overconfidence.

Be able to take responsibility

Failure to do this shows other people that you are stuck in childhood and are not responsible for your actions, which means you make more mistakes than others. If you accept responsibility for your behavior, then you show respect to your interlocutor.

Children do not know how to behave assertively for this very reason. Therefore, if a person has grown up, but everything remains in its place, this is a big drawback and the reasons should be looked for in childhood.

Perhaps assertiveness is the main sign of an adult. Any other behavior ultimately comes down to criticism and aggression. Therefore, develop assertiveness in yourself and show its advantages to other people - it is quite possible that they will follow your example.

Assertiveness is the expression of polite persistence. Assertive behavior refers to the positive behavior of an integrated person who demonstrates self-respect and respect for others, listens, understands, and tries to reach a working compromise.

“I would like to suggest you,” here the woman pulled out several bright and snow-wet magazines from her bosom, “to take several magazines in favor of the children of Germany.” About fifty dollars a piece.

“No, I won’t take it,” Philip Philipovich answered briefly, glancing sideways at the magazines.

Complete amazement was expressed on their faces, and the woman became covered with a cranberry coating.

- Why do you refuse?

- Don't want.

-You don’t sympathize with the children of Germany?

- Sorry.

- Do you regret fifty dollars?

- No.

- So why?

- Don't want.

This is a dialogue from the famous “Heart of a Dog” by Mikhail Bulgakov. Why did Professor Preobrazhensky suddenly interest psychologists? Because he was undoubtedly an intelligent man and knew the basics of assertive behavior.

It would make life easier for many of us, especially when there are so many people around who want to climb on their neighbor’s neck and dangle their legs - be it intrusive salespeople in stores, lazy work colleagues, neighbors who are always nodding into everything, etc. and so on. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to be rude to any of them! You can and should follow your line not only harshly, but also gracefully - according to all the rules of psychology!

The term “assertiveness” comes from the English verb “to assert”- insist on one’s own, assert, declare, retain one’s rights. Assertive behavior refers to the positive behavior of an integrated person who respects himself and others, listens, understands and tries to reach a working compromise.

This is a demonstration of polite assertiveness, this is the ability of a person to behave confidently and kindly; constructively assert your rights while showing respect for others; while taking responsibility for your behavior.

As children, we all learned the lesson of “how to behave well.” For some, this is unquestioning obedience, following all the instructions of their parents, while for others they were taught to achieve, go to the goal, and not to be offended.

However, were our rights respected, were our opinions taken into account? Not many people know how to respect their child. They love, care, patronize, but with respect it is more difficult. Patterns of human behavior are remarkably similar to parent-child relationships. Parenting is hard work. Parents try for the benefit of the child, often teaching him to be passive or aggressive, to learn manipulation. We have learned the lessons of childhood and continue to act in the usual way.

In any situation, we choose a certain style of behavior - and the result obtained largely depends on it.

We can behave passively- that is, not defending your rights, avoiding conflicts, submitting to the decisions of others and, as a result, losing control over what is happening.

We can behave aggressively- that is, rushing at a problem as if it were an embrasure, demanding everything at once, imposing your own opinion, not taking into account the interests of others, being rude, hostile and unpredictable.

By the way, passive-aggressive behavior is also common. They say about such people that “there are devils in still waters.” “Passive aggressors” tend to accumulate grievances and secretly build and carry out plans for revenge. Passive aggression can be expressed in refusal to fulfill a request, inaction or open sabotage.

Usually people with low self-esteem behave aggressively or passively, and both of these positions are obviously losing.

At manipulation a person acts covertly, without directly declaring his goal, but at the same time provokes another to commit the action he needs. Likewise, a small child who feels guilty towards his parents for “not living up to expectations” becomes sad and unhappy, thereby causing his parents to fawn on him.

But there is a third option - assertiveness, the “golden mean” between aggression and passivity.

Determine your behavior type.

ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR

ESSENCE

You protect your own rights and express your thoughts and feelings directly, honestly and openly in ways that respect the rights of others.

An assertive person acts without unnecessary worry or guilt. Assertive people respect themselves and others and are responsible for their actions and choices. They understand their needs and ask openly and directly for what they want.

When rejected, they may feel sad or disappointed, but their self-perception is not tarnished. They do not rely too much on the approval of other people and feel secure and confident in themselves.

Assertive people show others how they would like to be treated. They are self-sufficient.

EXPLICIT BEHAVIOR

That's what I think. That's how I feel. This is how I assess the situation. And what about you? If our needs conflict, I am certainly willing to consider the differences, and perhaps be willing to compromise.

HIDDEN THOUGHT

I will not allow you to use me and I will not attack you for being who you are.

TARGET

Communicate clearly and directly, like an adult to an adult.

• Active listening
• Firm, calm voice
• Direct eye contact
• Straight, balanced, open body position
• Voice volume appropriate to the situation
• Usage: “I”, “I love, I want...”, “I don’t want...”
• Phrases of cooperation: “What do you think about this?”
• Emphasized statements of interest: “I would really like...”

BENEFIT

The more you stand up for yourself and act in a manner that you respect, the higher your self-esteem. Your chances of getting what you want in life increase if others understand what you want and that you stand up for your rights and needs.

If you directly express feelings of indignation, then negative emotions do not accumulate. Without the painful feelings of shyness and anxiety and without wasting energy on self-defense, you can see, hear and love more easily.

PAY

Friends may take advantage of your assertiveness and may sabotage your newly acquired assertiveness. You reformulate your beliefs and reassess the values ​​formed since childhood. This may cause resistance.

BASIC RIGHTS OF AN ASSERTIVE PERSONALITY

The philosophy of behavior is based on the assumption that many people have forgotten, or were simply not told, that we are all equal and have equal rights. The goal of assertiveness is to defend your rights without violating the rights of other people.

• I have the right to express my feelings
• I have the right to express my opinions and beliefs
• I have the right to say yes or no
• I have the right to change my mind
• I have the right to say "I don't understand"
• I have the right to just be myself and not adapt to other people
• I have the right not to take responsibility for other people's problems.
• I have the right to ask others for something
• I have the right to set my own priorities
• I have the right to be listened to and taken seriously
• I have the right to make mistakes and feel comfortable admitting them.
• I have the right to be illogical when making decisions
• I have the right to say "I don't care"
• I have the right to be unhappy or happy

But the types of behavior from which we often try to free ourselves do not always work!

PASSIVE BEHAVIOR

ESSENCE

You are violating your own rights because you do not express your feelings, thoughts and beliefs, and therefore allow others to violate your rights.

Passive or non-assertive behavior may also mean expressing thoughts and feelings in such an apologetic and modest manner that others simply will not pay attention to them.

A passive person allows others to trample on him, like on a rug in the corridor. Non-assertive people think that they have no control over events, are controlled, and do not have the ability to act independently. They will not allow their needs to take precedence over the needs of others. They allow others to make decisions for them, even if they know they will regret it later. They feel helpless and disenfranchised.

EXPLICIT BEHAVIOR

They don’t take me into account anyway, so you can use me. My feelings, needs and thoughts are less important than yours.

HIDDEN THOUGHT

Take care of me and telepathically understand my feelings and needs. Will you love/respect me if I am assertive? I must protect you from pain.

SUBCONSCIOUS

Behind uncertainty, hide deep-seated fear of not meeting the expectations of others.

TARGET

Appease the other and avoid conflict and trouble at all costs.

VERBAL AND NON-VERBAL CHARACTERISTICS

• Letting events pass by
• Beating around the bush - not talking about yourself, about what you really mean
• It is inappropriate to apologize in a soft, unsteady voice.
• Be unclear, avoid direct gaze
• Avoid physical contact - retreat from others, slouch your shoulders
• Blinking or laughing when expressing anger
• Cover your mouth with your hand
• Use phrases: “If it won’t be too difficult for you” and “But do whatever you want anyway...”

BENEFIT

You are rewarded for your selflessness. If something goes wrong, you, as a passive observer, will not be blamed. Others will protect you and take care of you. You avoid, delay, or hide the conflict you fear.

PAY

If, due to a lack of assertiveness, you have allowed the relationship to develop differently than you would like, then it is very difficult to change this. You limit yourself by creating an image in the eyes of others of yourself as a good, gentle person, and nothing more. You limit yourself in expressing sincere negative emotions (anger, contempt, etc.). You suffer from this, drawing pictures of your own confidence and sincerity in your imagination at night.

AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

ESSENCE

You protect your personal rights and expressions of feelings and thoughts in such a way that it becomes unacceptable and violates the rights of another person. Superiority is achieved by humiliating others. When you are threatened, you attack.

Relationships are usually built on negative emotions and are unstable. Sooner or later it turns out that you can no longer behave non-aggressively, you hurt people you care about and suffer from it. In addition, the human body cannot live long under stress and begins to malfunction.

EXPLICIT BEHAVIOR

I don't care what you feel. What is important to you is completely indifferent to me.

HIDDEN THOUGHT

I will “make” you before you do it. I'm number one here.

VERBAL AND NON-VERBAL CHARACTERISTICS

• Invading other people's space
• Shrill, sarcastic, or condescending voice and gaze
• Parental gestures
• Threats: “Better be careful,” “If you don’t...”, “Come on...”, etc.
• Interruptions: “What are you saying,” “Don’t be a fool,” etc.
• Evaluative comments

BENEFIT

Others do what you want. Everything goes the way you want, and you like the feeling of a person who is in control of his own life. You are less vulnerable in an environment characterized by struggle, hostility and competition.

SUBCONSCIOUS

Behind aggression there is always hidden deep self-doubt.

TARGET

Dominate, win, make the other lose and punish others.

PAY

Aggressive behavior creates enemies who can develop fear and paranoia, making your life difficult. If you control what others do, it requires a lot of effort and energy and does not give you the opportunity to relax.

Relationships are usually built on negative emotions and are unstable. Sooner or later it turns out that you can no longer behave non-aggressively, you hurt people you care about and suffer from it.

Remember: there is no panacea that guarantees 100% results.

Manuel Smith formulated the rules of assertive behavior in the book “Self-Confidence Training”:

1. I have the right to evaluate my own behavior, thoughts and emotions and be responsible for their consequences.

Manipulative bias: I should not judge myself and my behavior unceremoniously and independently of others. In fact, in all cases, it is not me who should evaluate and discuss my personality, but someone more sophisticated and authoritative.

2. I have the right not to apologize or explain my behavior.

Manipulative bias: I am responsible for my behavior to other people, it is desirable that I report to them and explain everything that I do, apologize to them for my actions.

3. I have the right to independently consider whether I am at all, or to some extent, responsible for solving other people's problems.

Manipulative Bias: I have more obligations to certain institutions and people than to myself. It is advisable to sacrifice my own dignity and adapt.

4. I have the right to change my mind.

Manipulative bias: If I have already expressed a certain point of view, there is no need to ever change it. I would have to apologize or admit that I was wrong. This would mean that I am not competent and unable to decide.

5. I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for my mistakes.

Manipulative Bias: I'm not supposed to make mistakes, and if I make any mistakes, I'm supposed to feel guilty. It is desirable that I and my decisions be controlled.

6. I have the right to say: “I don’t know”

Manipulative Bias: I wish I could answer any question.

7. I have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others and their good attitude towards me

Manipulative bias: I want people to treat me well, to love me, I need them.

8. I have the right to make illogical decisions.

Manipulative Bias: It is desirable that I maintain logic, reason, rationality and validity in everything I do. Only that which is logical is reasonable.

9. I have the right to say: “I don’t understand you”

Manipulative Bias: I must be attentive and sensitive to the needs of others, I must “read their minds.” If I don't do this, I'm a ruthless ignorant and no one will love me.

10. I have the right to say: “I’m not interested in this”

Manipulative Bias: I must try to be attentive and emotional to everything that happens in the world. I probably won't succeed, but I have to try my best to achieve it. Otherwise, I am callous and indifferent.

There are various trainings on developing assertive behavior, for example, among sellers. At the exit, the seller will learn what assertive behavior is, will be able to develop a personal attitude towards assertive behavior, will be aware of his rights and responsibilities in the context of assertiveness, will learn to accept criticism and defend his own position without being led by the client.

But such corporate training has risks, and these risks are associated with management’s willingness to work with employees practicing assertive behavior and with the level of development of their company’s corporate culture.

Imagine that same salesman comes to his superiors and assertively says: “Dear Vladimir Ivanovich, after the training I realized that I am not satisfied with your management methods, I don’t want to correct your mistakes anymore, and if you want to continue our communication in a positive way anyway, I suggest that we first consider raising my salary.”

Assertiveness is the ability to defend personal boundaries, protect one’s own goals and interests, while maintaining respect for the people around us, let’s take a closer look at what assertiveness is. Developing assertiveness helps you achieve higher levels of effectiveness in your work environment. It is worth understanding that the definition of assertiveness is different from the concept of aggressiveness.

In conditions of career growth and constant competition, a person quite often goes on the offensive. The reason for this may be different types of behavior or lack of skills and experience. Several recommendations that are described in this article will allow you to develop assertiveness without resorting to violent forms towards other people.

Lack of internal aggression

Choose your own reaction

Development of assertiveness among officials

Without fearing for his behavior, an assertive boss knows how to form active cooperation in his team. He does not try to assert himself and does not impose his own opinion, as an aggressive leader likes to do. In the work of a modern chef, cooperation is the main point in the work. When faced with disapproval from a subordinate, an assertive boss will not try to suppress him, but will try to analyze the reasons for the disagreement. “What is necessary for this task to be completed?”, “How can we combine our efforts?” - such questions are asked by those leaders who value themselves highly.

The ability to admit one's own mistakes

Calm, but not timid

Don't forget about your life and work goals

We have examined in detail and given a definition, what is assertiveness. The development of assertiveness is a skill that allows you to achieve personal goals, at the same time, without contradicting the goals of other people, which gives a good atmosphere in the team, greater productivity and a fairly high standard of living.